Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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