u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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