I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
