So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
