He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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