So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
