So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
