I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
