I cut my penus on the lid.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
