i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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