So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
