Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
