Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize