Tell her she can't have a vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
