shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
