If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
