Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How's work?
Spinning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
