Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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