Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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