I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
