hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
