Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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