ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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