I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
