she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
