my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
