i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
