I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
two words...techno handjob
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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