Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
