do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
