we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
