sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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