He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
