I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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