his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
