so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was like eating out sand paper
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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