one two three fourrrrnication!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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