Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
