If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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