this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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