Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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