This is not my ceiling
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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