In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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