I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
