i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
