A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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