Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
