So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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