I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
