I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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