why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
