Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
