Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am puke
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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