When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
