Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
