genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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