I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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