I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
