i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize