I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
