i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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