I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We have so much sex to catch up on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
