I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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