break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
