New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
