so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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