in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
