I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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