Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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